A dear friend recently encouraged me to remember the steadfast love of the Lord (Isaiah 63:7) as I have been walking through a tricky time in my faith life. Recounting all the Lord has granted us and the great goodness He has granted according to His compassion, and the abundance of His steadfast love. Hours after this encouragement, I found myself in the midst of a conversation with my kids...a conversation I wasn’t intending to have that day.
Remember...
Kids...when I was 21 years old, I was in a foreign country and very very sick. I almost died I was so sick. Then (Jonah 2:7 When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.)...moments from being put to sleep for surgery, I was alone in a dark hallway---God’s holy temple for me in that moment. I wasn’t alone. The Holy Spirit’s presence was so real that it was almost manifest. I didn’t know anything about my future...realizing that death may be a part of the plan, I had no fear, I was safe in Jesus. I woke up to a tough recovery, and the realization that I had been through two major operations. One of which was removing a part of my reproductive system. A few years later, I was married. We married knowing there was a real possibility that we may never have biological children. Complications from illness plagued my life for awhile, and then miraculously, the month my Doctors told me to NOT conceive...I ended up experiencing a healing in my body and a surprise pregnancy...a 9 month physical and emotional challenge led to the greatest joy...becoming a mom to my first born daughter! Then, surprise! 20 months later, a son entered our family. A miscarriage came next...but, what? I conceived 3 times? This didn’t seem possible! A few months after I had healed from losing the little girl we never met, my body took on the amazing feat of growing another son, and then two years later our baby daughter was born. Yes, I remembered, even with faith very weak I was able to remember, the great things He had done.
Then, it occurred to me...as I went about the day...there are big things He has done. And then there are the little things, in the midst of all the big, that I may not ever remember...but little things that have the finger-print of the abundance steadfast love of God, the great goodness He’s granted in compassion. Those small things day in and day out that help me remember...that He’s provided salvation, and all of this too...
JoJo wrapping her right arm tightly around my neck...squishing her lips onto mine and kissing me all over my face. Snuggling tight for 45 minutes when she wakes up from her nap. Screaming for me in her crib because she hates to be left out of the craziness in the rest of the house. Little arms reaching to me at the top of the stairs saying “I hold you Mommy.” Tucking her big brother in for his nap, saying his prayers, and singing “Yes, Jesus Loves me, the Bible Little Song.” JoJo sitting on my lap during JuBe’s spelling lesson and trying to spell. Screaming “AMEN!” after she leads us in the pledge of allegiance during calendar time. Yelling, “I’m moco’s” (boogars in Spanish) during our “Good morning JoJo, how are you?” song. Singing “Jump On It” and asking if she can watch “JoJo’s birthday...just one more time....peeeeeease.”
Odes telling me I’m the best mom in the whole world for letting him have a peanut butter cup for breakfast. Asking me to play “Star Wars” nearly every day and laughing as we make Princess Leia marry Obi Wan even though she REALLY married Han. Odes running down the bike path trying to catch up to the “Bigs” on their bikes. Odes saying, “let’s just you and me read a couple books before I nap mama.” Bringing “very special rocks mommy” inside to show me, and when I point out they are purple pieces of sidewalk chalk, he accepts it with no mis-givings and takes them out to the sidewalk to try them out. Asking me if every song I am humming is a “God-song” or not. Odes, bolding proclaiming that Jesus *is* God with a conviction that keep the strongest debater on the team from arguing that point. Thinking Cinderella and Belle at Disney World were a little beneath him, but fawning over Sleeping Beauty, because she is the “best one.”
Peebs crying because he said “what in the world” and was worried that it wouldn’t be pleasing to God. Telling me with tears in his eyes he wants to be a preacher because he “just wants to obey God.” As a two year old, saying “Gus-Gus” prayers with a lisp every night and doing it anyway, even though he’d get in trouble from dad every single time. As a one year old, wanting to read Little House books so he could pick out the pictures in the middle that looked just like the cover. Peebs yelling out JuBe’s math answers before she can even process the question. Wanting justice to be served at all times and is more than happy to deliver it. Peebs, loving legos and his Plopper. Head in the clouds, but always noticing when someone needs encouragement, and always knowing the right answers during family devotions. Peebs, breaking his heart when he realized it was Adam and Eve’s sin and therefore HIS sin that broke fellowship with God, wrestling through it as a 3 year old and then that night, bowing down, broken and expressing a heart-felt desire to give his life to the Lord and follow him, thanking hi for his sacrifice on the cross.
JuBe as a preschooler playing Joseph (and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat) every single day, all day long, using dolls, stuffed animals and baby brother as props. The entrepreneur setting up lemonade stands and “calling people to come because it’s more effective than waiting for them.” Holding her own “jewelry presentations” in her bedroom using a green pillow case to display her plastic jewels and copying mommy’s presentation. JuBe, quiet, kind-hearted, giving, always helping...hating math, loving reading, wanting to hear adult’s conversation. JuBe taking her training wheels off her bike AFTER her little brother shows her it’s easy. Making 12 loaves of banana bread in one night and offering to give them away to others. Helping her sister get ready for the day. Accident prone, knocking out teeth, breaking her arm, while simultaneously being the most gentle, careful child I’ve seen. JuBe confessing her wrong-doings even when they are simple as “I didn’t wash my hands when we got home from the park” or “I was being mean to the boys too so maybe I should get a consequence.”
These are the little things...the things I want to remember, but most likely won’t. The Little Things that tie into the Big Things, that help me remember the Steadfast Love of the Lord. His mercies never cease, they are new every morning. And every morning, I am reminded of this sweet truth, when I hear the babies’ laughter down the hall...the pitter-patter of feet shooshing each other loudly as they wake up just a little too early but need to use the bathroom...the chubby arms that reach up to me, the strong arms that wrestle with me, the slender arms that help me serve. These remind me of a great, good God.
Thank you for helping me remember Leanne.
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