Encourage the Gift, Discipline the Sin ~ City Mom

Let me introduce you to my four children:

My oldest is eight...we'll call her "JuBe"
The next is six...we call him "Peebs"
The four year old...one of his many moniker's "Odes"
Our baby girl who has shunned her feminine given name and prefers to be called... "JoJo"


Odes is our funny man. His motto: "anything for a laugh" or "laugh and the world laughs with you." He reminded the rest of the family that living life with others is worthwhile. He smiled at two weeks, laughed at 5, and let us pass him around church at the age when most children are clinging to mom with the knee-shaking, stranger-danger in full force. He began talking at 10 months and conversing at 13 months. The boy was born to talk, interact, and bring joy-filled laughter.

My husband and I have been reading a book by some authors names Jim and Lynne Jackson, titled: "Discipline That Connects With Your Child's Heart" http://connectedfamilies.org/. We are really challenged by the thought that underneath misbehavior lies a gift. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." My children were created for good works! What a thought!!!

Starting around age 2 and a half, when Odes decided one day that he didn't need diapers anymore and simply started using the potty, he also decided that it would be HILARIOUS to show his private parts to anyone with eyes. At first we laughed at what was surely a "phase" with which he'd simply become bored. We waited...the boredom did not come. His delight increased each time a child (or adult) laughed or looked at him (or his mom or dad) with a shocked face that said, "how dare he!" My husband decided a few months ago that we nip this in the bud before the boy became known as the City Flasher. When his Buzz Light Year underwear decided to make appearances we told him this was private and to keep it to himself. We were stern with him. My husband and I tried to think of creative punishments like "go to your room," etc. 

Last week, while making breakfast with my back turned to the kids, I heard muffled laughter that built into an uproar. I turned around and saw Buzz Light Year on the ground, and my naked four year old standing on his chair playing "air guitar." At first I wanted to laugh. Then, I felt angry. Inside I thought, "how many times do I have to remind him?" "he KNOWS he's disobeying us." But something inside me (let's call this the Holy Spirit), said, "stop, don't charge ahead." I knew there was disobedience going on, but I also knew there was something going on in Odes' spirit that I must NOT quench. I took a breath, said a quick prayer for wisdom and called him over to me, "Odes," I said, "I want to tell you something. I LOVE your sense of humor." 

Odes looked at me and in an off-handed response said, "thanks" and began to walk away.

"Wait a minute Mr." I called in a light-hearted tone, "I'm not done yet!" He turned back. "I love your sense of humor. God uses it in my life to bring me great joy. I believe it's one of the gifts that He has given you and wants to use for His glory. You know what though? Right now, your humor isn't being effectively used for God's glory because it's all mixed up in disobedience. Mommy and Daddy have asked you to keep your pants on. So you know what? It's not a funny thing anymore to take them off. I know you can do the right thing and use your humor in ways that can be both funny and honoring." He ran over, put Buzz Light Year back in place and sat down at the breakfast table in seek of another laugh from his siblings.

So...what happened there? His gift of humor went awry...it got all mixed up with sin (disobedience). I was able to walk by faith in my parenting (when I stepped back to depend on the wisdom of the God of the universe, instead of my own). I acknowledged that Odes was displaying a special gift, which opened him up to my instruction, instead of shutting him down by a harsh or angry tone. I spoke confidence in him that I know he can make the right choices, while also correcting him and showing him where he had gone wrong. 

Will he stumble in this area again? It's likely (in fact he did a couple days later). However, his sin was called out, he was LOVED in it, and his gift was upheld instead of squished. I don't know that anything else could have been more effective. I s'pose I could have spanked him for this behavior until he decided he didn't like the spanking as much as he did the laughter attention he was getting. I may have gained control...but at what expense? I'm not sure, and will probably never know. 

What kinds of gifts are underneath the behavior you see displayed in your children? How can you encourage the spirit of the child, while also correcting the sin when the gift goes awry?