Amidst the tears, shock, disbelief, and carnage a thought kept running through by mind, “I have no frame of reference for how to handle this.” I didn’t know what to do. I wanted in that moment to go back to my easy carefree life in the ‘burbs. Where we never would even have chickens let alone worry if a predator would get them. The most I ever worried about there was a nuisance barking dog. But here I was, needing to tend to the mess, tend to my kids hearts, and tend to an awkward situation with my neighbors.
Thankfully the hubby was home. He dug a grave while Gillian and I searched for a nice big rock for the top. He dug it nice and deep so our new hole-digging puppy couldn’t get to the bodies. We let the kids watch him dig. We let them ask questions. We let them see the dead chicks. We hugged them and consoled them and explained animal instincts. He called the neighbors to say what had happened. They felt awful. We felt awful. It was awkward.
Of course in this day and age an event like this warrants a facebook status update. Well meaning friends offered encouragement. Folks said this was a good opportunity for a lesson in farm living or death or animal food chains. I suppose you open yourself up to everyone’s thoughts and advice when you post things on facebook but I was challenged. I think those lessons were inherent to what happened. They could plainly see the chicks were dead and they knew how it had happened and why. They didn’t need a lecture to drive home how sometimes life is rough, especially on a farm. They were experiencing it. And lets face it, three weeks of living out in the country on a hobby farm doesn't make us farmers. Not even close.
In my heart I sensed that there was probably a more meaningful way we could coach our kids through this other than talking about the obvious or the negative. I prayed for some assistance in figuring out what that was. I am oftentimes amazed at what the Holy Spirit accomplishes in spite of me and how God has a way of using imperfect people to accomplish beautiful lessons in life. He proceeded to use Dave and I to teach some important lessons to all of us.
It started when we talked our oldest daughter through how she might handle it when the neighbors came by to apologize (which we sensed they would do.) We explained that they never ever meant for this to happen and to try to think about how she would feel if our dog did something like this. We reminded her that it was an accident and they probably felt awful (which they did). We gave her verbiage and told her to be gracious. It was a lesson in forgiveness and grace.
And when the neighbors came with their kids in tow and tears in their eyes to apologize she did great. She smiled graciously and said it was an accident. We told them of course they didn’t mean for it to happen and of course we accept their apology and tried to put them at ease. They asked what they could do and offered to buy us new chicks and we had a moment of comic relief when all realized we have no idea how or where to get chicks. Our kids and their kids watched all this play out between the grown ups. It was a lesson in understanding and empathy.
Later that night when we were tucking the kids in bed we prayed and thanked God for such great neighbors. We talked to the kids about how while it is very sad that the chicks died, the relationship we have with our new neighbors is more important than dogs behaving badly and chickens dying. That people are more important than animals. Always. It was a lesson in perspective.
So yes, we did have ourselves a memory and it turns out we got some beautiful lessons in as well. I sense that we and our neighbors will all laugh about his someday. I might even be ready to now. And I am so thankful that God in His wisdom whispered into my spirit to look for a better lesson. And I am thankful that God made sure I learned these lessons right alongside my children.
RIP: Shoe, Tricky, Isabelle, MacKenzie, Sunshine, Shadow, and Oreo
Tammy, this is so sweet. If you haven't already seen on facebook, we got a puppy recently. We got invited to some friends house. Our pup was only about 8 weeks old. The kids there got a little too excited, dropped puppy right on her head..she hobbled over to me and I picked her up and she squealed. I seriously thought she had brain damage. In the meantime, our friends wife was crying, thinking her kids had done something terrible. She was in a room just crying and sad and thinking I hated her. So I told her that I didn't. I kept insisting that the dog was fine, which she was and telling her that at the end of the day, its still a dog and our friendship would not be ruined by an accident. I know she still feels bad, but the dog is fine. And now its a joke between the two of us. So glad you were able to work through it. Its ok to admit that times like these are not fun and its ok to feel bad about them, but in the end, its awesome how God continues to work even in the yucky stuff of life.
ReplyDeleteI loved that Tammie!! It makes me remember our first summer here on our farm. Very similar situation....a tomcat came and killed all of our 3 week old kittens.....it was so terrible.....I still picture it when I walk into the back of our barn...the smell of the barn still makes me think of that night. I wondered if we'd get through it, but we did. We've come a long way since then and now when one of our cats catches a mouse or bird, Marcella just says "eat it quick....I don't want the poor thing to suffer." We've become desensitized a bit. Farm life will do that to you I think. Did you get some new chicks yet?
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